I love you, Bastard
by Woofalicious
Summary: All it took was one phone call to turn Lovino's world upside down... and not in a good way.
1. Prologue

The room was dark and silent, all the lights and anything else electric was turned off. In the darkness Lovino sat on the couch and stared at the phone lying on the coffee table in front of him. A stranger had pressed it into his hand when he was getting some fresh tomatoes in the market. The man's face was cast in shadows and his body shape disorted by the thick trench coat he wore. The man said nothing, but there was a note taped to the back of the small phone.

_'Await my call and further instructions at Midnight.'_

So there he was in the dark house waiting for the mystery caller. Though it didn't show, he was too pale and in a cold sweat. He was terrified, who wouldn't be? A complete stranger handed him a disposable phone that had no chance of being traced. For all he knew it could be some rapist that had a fetish for countries. Whatever it was he hoped that Antonio wouldn't be involved, but that was just too much to ask for, wasn't it?

_BZZZZT. BZZZZT. BZZZZT. BZZ- _Lovino had picked up the suddenly vibrating phone. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his shaking body as he brought it up to his ear. "H-Hello?"

"Tonight, or rather this morning, I shall offer you a proposition." The voice was dark and cold even through the connection. It sounded vaguely familiar, but Lovino couldn't place it.

"What is it?" He almost whispered. He was too scared to even bring himself to cuss.

"I have been watching you for a long time, Lovino. I know more about you than what a certain Spaniard does."

Lovino froze. No, no. He wasn't talking about Antonio, right? The bastard, he wouldn't touch a hair on the Spaniard's head. Not his An- but, no. Antonio wasn't his, was he? Antonio was the lover of the Frenchman, Francis.

"What do you mean, bastard?" He hissed in a moment where his anger and fear for Antonio was stronger than the fear about the caller itself.

"Oh, Lovi," the man chuckled, "I've seen how you look at him. And those glares that you oh so secretly send to Francis when you think no one is looking? Hilarious!"

Lovino stared ahead as he processed that in his mind, he didn't even realize that the man called him 'Lovi'. It was only too much to ask for that Antonio not be involved at this point, anyone with an ounce of common sense could see that. "What do you want?"

"You will kill the one person you have ever loved." The response was said so casually, it was as if they were requesting Lovino go and pick up a gallon of milk from the store on his daily trip out.

"What? You bastard! I won't kill him!"

"Really? That's a shame, if you don't then I might just have to do it for you. I can already hear the screams I will tear from his mouth. Can't you just imagine it? His blood dripping to the floor, those sweet crimson pools gathering around his body. Every cut adding to it. Though he won't die quickly, no. This will be for months, years even. He has a lot of spirit, I can just hear him in his final moments of sanity, I can hear that spirit breaking." The man continued on for another minute describing the most horrible kinds of torture. "And the best part of it all? He will know it's all your fault for what he must go through."

"STOP IT YOU BASTARD, STOP IT. YOU FUCKING BASTARD. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT WITH ME?"

"Isn't that obvious?" The man growled, "I want to see you suffer. Either way Antonio dies, Lovino. It will just be by your choice. Now either you can kill him in any way you please, or I can. Do not even think of backing out, Antonio will die by my hands if you do anything you shouldn't. Now do tell, which option do you choose?"

"I-" Lovino's voice choked. There was a large lump in his throat that didn't seem to want to go way no matter how much he swallowed. It made his voice a weak croak at best. His while body was shaking, his very soul was tearing apart. What choice did he have? "I will do it, you fucking bastard."

"Very good. You have one month, Lovino. Remember what happens if you mess up." _Click_. The line was dead.

The dark haired Italian threw the phone into the darkness that surrounded him. He screamed and screamed, his yells echoed throughout his house for hours. They slowly faded in number and volume until all that could be hears was a faint choking noise. It was sobbing, it continued long after the tears had been used up. It was another hour before there was any silence at all.

Lovino had shouted and cried himself mute. Even now silent sobs raked viscously through his body. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He wished now more than anything that he had offered himself up in Antonio's place. He could stand that torture if he had to. For Antonio he would do anything. What was he supposed to do? What could he do? Antonio would never forgive him for this.. He would never even have the chance to. Had he not already been dry sobbing for lack of tears his face would have been soaked once again. Eventually well into the morning his mind eventually passed into the unconscious realm.

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**A/N:** And here is the first part of my first Hetalia fanfiction which was based off of a dream I had one night where Lovino... well, you know. I'm honestly pretty excited about this story and what's going to happen. I hope you all enjoyed this little prologue. The other chapters will be much longer, don't worry. Please R&R!

~Woof


	2. Chapter 1

**Warning:** Gory Goodness  
**Disclaimer:** Anything you recognize isn't mine

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**Chapter One  
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_A week later..._

Lovino hardly ate or drank anything in the last seven days. He had neither changed his clothes nor shown any sign of personal hygiene. His brown hair was greasy and ratty. His face was scruffy with stubble. His skin was pale, his eyes were sunken in and had dark shadows around them. The house still didn't have lights on, but his eyes had adjusted to the darkness so much that it hardly mattered. It was obvious that he got little sleep. The few hours of rest he had gotten were filled with the most horrible nightmares, nightmares that continued even after he woke up.

If he were to check his phone he would have seen hundreds of messages from Feliciano and Antonio, but he didn't. For the past week he had cut himself away from everything. Lovino didn't know what to do. Exactly one week ago his entire world had been shaken up so badly that nothing would ever be right again.

The dark haired man stared blankly at the coffee table in front of him, though he saw nothing through his eyes. All he could see was Antonio's face. That sweet, smiling face, it was so pure, so kind, and so innocent. The face grew confused for a second, that changed to terror which changed to pain. Lovino looked down. His hand was grasping the hilt of a knife. A knife which was currently piercing Antonio's chest. It went directly into the Spaniard's heart, but Antonio was still looking at him with a mixture of pain and horror.

"How could you do this to me, Lovi?" He asked in a weak voice. Tears were forming in his eyes. "I thought you were my friend."

Lovino's heart broke into even more pieces. "I- I have t-to." His own eyes were wet.

The first tear rolled down Antonio's cheek. "I don't understand. What have I done to deserve this? It hurts so much, Lovi."

"Why won't you die, you bastard? You have to die!" Lovino was growing scared. Why wasn't Antonio dead yet? He wasn't supposed to go through all this pain, he was supposed to save him from all that torture and suffering, not put him through it!

"Why do you want to kill me? Was I that bad? What did I do wrong?" His voice was coming out faintly. The tears were rolling down his cheeks in great numbers. "Why does it hurt so much?" Antonio's eyes poured into Lovino's as he spoke. They were scared and filled with sorrow.

"You did nothing wrong!" Lovino shouted through his own tears. "You could never do anything wrong." Except for not dying right now. He tore his eyes away from the others and looked down. Antonio's chest was covered in blood around the heart. Lovino pulled the knife out and stabbed again. Blood sprayed onto his hands. He stabbed again.

"Lovi, make the pain stop." Antonio whispered. Blood started bubbling up from his throat and poured out from the corner of his mouth. He opened his mouth to talk again and the blood came like a small fountain that you would see in an office. "Please."

The dark haired Italian stabbed and stabbed, but Antonio didn't die. He looked back up to his face and brought his shaking hand up. It was the hand holding the knife. "I'm so sorry." He slashed through the neck. Antonio's head leaned to the side and fell to the floor with a sickening thud.

Lovino screamed and opened his eyes which he hadn't even realized that he shut. There was nothing there. It was just him, all alone. There was no Antonio, no head rolling on the floor. It hadn't happened. Nothing happened, but it did. He still had to kill him in a month. Antonio still had to die.

Fear gripped at his chest, what if Antonio couldn't die? He was a country after all. Wait, Grandpa Roma died when his empire did. Prussia wasn't even a country yet he still lived. Lovino brought his knees to his chest and hugged them tight to his body. What if Antonio didn't die? He has to be able to die, he has to.

A grim smile tugged at the corner of his mouth; at least he could make the death as quick and painless as possible. The less Antonio suffered the better. Maybe he could shoot him through the brain that was supposed to be near painless, right?

The doorbell rang throughout the house in sudden blaring tones. Lovino froze and strained his ears. He could hear the faint sounds of someone setting something down then they walked away. After a few moments the Italian got up and inches his way to the door. He waited for about five minutes before he unlocked everything and opened the door.

Lovino hissed and threw up his hand to shield his eyes from the sudden brightness. He squinted until his eyes mere slits and looked at the small brown package on his porch. With his free hand he picked it up. The dark haired man quickly retreated back inside and shut the door to the light.

Lovino walked back to the living room and sat on the couch instead of the floor for once during... this time. For the first time in this week Lovino reached over and turned the lamp that sat on the stand by the couch on. Luckily it was one of those lamps with different shades of brightness so the lowest was first. Still, the light stung for a few minutes before he grew used to it. With his eyes finally adjusted he looked back down to the package that rested in his lap.

There wasn't a return address anywhere on it, there wasn't any address at all. Sure this house had an address, but whoever lived here wasn't known to the public. Whoever cared to even notice knew that a dark haired Italian lived here and some even knew him by his human name, but there technically wasn't anyone living here, a word from the government and he was left alone. No one questioned it, but they all wanted to. He was a country and only the highest government knew. Either way, the only visible writing on the package that he found was 'Lovi' written in unfamiliar handwriting. He frowned.

The package was roughly twelve inches long and five inches wide. The package itself was light, but it was border lining hefty. He shook the box, nothing moved. It either took up the entire space or was surrounded by stuffing. One way to find out. Lovino took in a deep breath and ripped the brown paper off. The breath whooshed out of him the moment he saw the box beneath. It was black with gold accents. The gold glittered duly as it detailed animals, plants, a city, people walking down the street while the children played. On the lid there was a river. The details were all in gold, but the water itself was made of rubies. Dark, blood red rubies.

The ridge of the lid hung over the edge of the box slightly and was designed to look like a house. The front of the box had and elegant door with and old fashioned knocker on it. Lovino reached out a finger to touch the knocker which had been flipped up. He gently brought it down then jumped at the realistic noise it made. It was if it were life sized and made of iron rather than the size of a pin and carved from gold. He looked at the other sides of the box and besides small animals sitting out side and tomato plants growing down from pots hanging from the roof. With a firm grip on the lid he turned the box over to look at the underside, nothing. It was just black. Flipping the box back over his curiosity won him over and he opened the lid. Resting in fine, blood red velvet was a knife.

If it had come at any other time before now Lovino would have admired the knife, but now it terrified him. The hilt was of the same ebony material and fine gold still detailed it. There were leaves that he was very familiar with, leaves from a tomato plant. The blade was so silver it looked white. There was nothing on the blade; the color itself was all it needed. He slowly forced his fingers to curl around the edge of the hilt and pry it from its mold. It came free easily. What scared him the most was how perfectly it suited him. His hand fit perfectly around the handle and the knife appeared to be perfectly balanced. The hilt was impossibly smooth, the gold wasn't raised as it was with the box, it was inlayed. Looking back down to the velvet he saw a cream colored strip of paper with thick black ink. It looked like it came from a typewriter.

_'I hope you liked my gift to you, rather nice isn't it? I bet Antonio will love it, but let's keep the surprise between us, who knows what would happen if anyone found out.'_

Lovino thought that he was going to be sick. He hastily shoved the knife back into the box and hurriedly sat it on the coffee table. After a moment he picked it up and ran over to his room and shoved it in the bottom drawer of his dresser. The first and last tear fell as the drawer was shut. There goes the gun idea or even poison. He grabbed the nearest thing to him and threw at the wall. It was a picture of Feliciano. He got up and threw his alarm clock at the wall which led a respectful hole in said wall and said alarm clock shattered on the floor. He went around his room throwing small, breakable things at the walls until there was nothing left.

He was sweating from the exertion, but he didn't care. With a yell he trough himself at the wall with his fists flying in the air. They pounded into it creating dents and holes with each hit. After around six punches blood was starting to smear on the blue paint. He didn't mind the pain, he welcomed it even. A bone snapped in his left hand. He raised his arm back to throw another punch, but before he could his vision went black. He felt himself falling backwards as the colors around him faded into nothing. Lovino fell to the shard covered floor unconscious once again.

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Pain. There was pain everywhere, but the most was coming from his left hand. He tried moving his fingers but he was met with resistance as well as a sharp pain. He breathed in sharply at the feeling. Lovino gradually opened his eyes then shit them again. There was light everywhere. He tried moving his right hand that one was restricted, but didn't hurt as much. He brought it up to his eyes and slowly opened them again. Every minute or so he would open them a bit more until he was fully adjusted to the light. He looked down at his bandaged arms and hands. The rest of his body was under his green duvet. He frowned, what had happened?

Lovino looked around the room. It was spotless, but there were many holes in the wall and most of his possessions appeared to have gone missing. There were marks on the floor and on almost everything he owned. With a gasp he suddenly recalled everything and what had made him to do it.

"That fucking bastard," Lovino choked out. The mystery man, the murderer for all he cared. It was his entire fault.

"What was that, Lovi?" A concerned voice asked.

Lovino's head snapped up in an instant. He would recognize that voice anywhere. "Antonio? What are you doing here?"

"You hadn't answered any of my calls or texts so I decided to come visit you. I was getting scared, it's been a week and no bone's heard from you." Antonio smiled kindly and walked over to Lovino.

"You shouldn't be hear, bastard," Lovino spat at him, "and don't call me Lovi!"

The Spaniard smiled and let out a laugh, but the smile never reached his eyes and the laugh sounded forced. Lovino glowered at him, "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing." An obvious lie. "I think I should be asking you that. You're paler than Russia, and thinner than a stick. A zombie looks more alive than you. I come here and find your house in darkness and you unconscious on the floor while bleeding from multiple wounds, not to mention you have destroyed your room and broke your hand."

Lovino froze, he couldn't tell Antonio why all that happened. "Th- Therese's nothing wrong, you bastard!" He cried out desperately. "I - I mean there's nothing wrong anymore. I - I just had a fight with Feli!" Lies. He knew Antonio knew, but his friend didn't say anything, but his eyes were suspicious.

Antonio nodded then jerked his head up as a timer went of for his stove. "I made you some tomato soup so you would feel better," he quickly explained then ran off. A minute later he appeared with a large bowl filled with the red liquid. "My special recipe, too!" He exclaimed with faux excitement.

Lovino was filled with despair as he looked up at Antonio's beautiful features. He would have to kill him in a month- less than a month. As if sensing his gaze, the Spanish man glanced up at his heavy gaze. His eyes were glassy, but he swore he saw worry within them. He handed the bowl to Lovino who accepted it reluctantly.

"I won't eat until you tell me what's wrong," Lovino glared. The brown haired man sent him a desperate look, but he did his best to ignore it, even if his heart did break to see it.

"Fine," came the surprisingly bitter reply, "for you."

Lovino nodded and took a spoonful of the delicious meal. "I was going to Francisco's a few nights ago to surprise him," he began with an angered voice. "I brought a dozen roses and a bottle of his favorite wine. I knocked on the door and no one answered. I figured he might just be out at a restaurant so I let myself in." Sadness he crept into his voice. Lovino had an idea of where this was going. "I let myself in and he wasn't there, but the lights were on and his shoes were still there as well as his coat and... somebody else's things. I walked into the kitchen to get a vase because I figured it might just be the president, but when I got there..." Antonio stopped for a moment to wipe away the tears that were starting to fall. "He was with someone else."

Lovino was seeing red, how dare that French bastard do this to sweet, sweet Antonio? He set the bowl down and ignored the pain as he sat up and wrapped his arms around the sobbing man. He felt arms wrap desperately around him. He let the other cling to him, he needed it. Lovino rubbed soothing circles on the other's back, but didn't say a single word. Nothing could be said. He felt guilty for comforting him like this when he knew in the end he would have to kill him.

"He said he loved me, that I was the only one in his life. He whispered promises to me and said sweet little things. Oh, Lovi, I thought he loved me! I thought I loved him... I think I still do."

Lovino's heart broke again in more ways than one. "Sh, sh," he whispered in a comforting tone, "You'll get over him eventually, he isn't worth your tears, Toni. He's just a stupid, ugly, French bastard who will get his face beaten in next time I see him. You just need to find someone who cares about you a lot." He felt Antonio's shuddering subside a bit. The Spaniard pulled back and looked at him thoughtfully through that tear filled gaze.

"You care about me, si?" He asked, as if considering something.

"I- Yes, you are my best friend! Why do you ask?" Lovino was confused, what did he mean by this?

"You've been good to me. You would take care of me." Before Lovino could say a word Antonio was on him, kissing him on the lips. Lovino was frozen and unresponding beneath him. The man he loved was finally kissing him, but this wasn't right. The kisses were cold and empty despite the heat from his body. They were desperate and needy; it wasn't supposed to happen like this. Lovino put his hands on Antonio's chest and gently pushed the older man away

"No, Antonio. You'll regret this later. You don't really mean it." Lovino's eyes watered up once again. Antonio was frozen, realization slowly dawning upon him.

"I- Lovi- I didn't mean to- I'm so sorry! I should go." And once again, before Lovino could react Antonio had already moved, but this time he had left.

"WAIT, ANTONIO!" Lovino called out, but all he heard was running and the sound of a door being opened then shut once again. Lovino stared at his bedroom door. He was in shock once again. Tear flowed down his cheeks and onto his lap below. He was ashamed... ashamed at himself for letting Antonio kiss him for that long. He was ashamed for how much he liked the touch of his lips, the taste of them, how he wanted more. He had hurt him without even trying. He hadn't killed him and he hurt him.

Lovino let the tears fall until no more could fall. He looked at the soup he had set down walker and picked it up. It was cold, but he didn't care. The least he could do was eat the soup Antonio had made for him. It was his favorite, but he tasted nothing except the bitterness of sorrow and regret.

The bowl was soon empty and he laid himself back down on his bed. He didn't feel anything except for numbness and the emotional pain within. He, Lovino, was a bastard. He had messed up already. His body was mocking him with fatigue and beet himself be mocked as he gave in.

He slept all through the night and accepted all the images the beast of his mind though at him. He deserved it, he was a monster who ruined everything. He deserved this torture. He didn't deserve happiness ever again. He didn't deserve anything except for what Hell could give him.

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**A/N:** Lo and Behold chapter one! This took a surprisingly short time to write and a horribly long time to edit it. I bet you guys are wondering who the mysterious caller is, mwahahaha. Anyways I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and if you notice any mistakes please comment below. Thank you for reading and R&R!  
~Woof


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